I remember the first time I saw a bidet. I was in college in Florida, and had been invited to join a group of friends at the home of one of our classmates. My friend Dale, who’d called to invite me, said under his breath, “you need to see this place.”
At the time, it was the most opulent house I’d ever set foot in. It was a mansion, really, located on the beach and equipped with what seemed to us poor art students as unimaginable luxuries. I don’t recall all the details, but I remember that the master bathroom had a bidet (or, as Dale described it, “a g*ddamned bidet!”). We all gathered round it, equal parts giggling and mesmerized. A bidet. What on earth for? The rich it seemed, really were different.
Once I started traveling to Europe, bidets started to become a little less mysterious, but still seemed quirky and so…European. It wasn’t until I moved to Italy that I lived in a house with a bidet or started using one regularly.
When a tour guest recently asked me, somewhat embarrassedly, “how do you use the bidet?,” I realized it wasn’t such a silly question. If you didn’t grow up in a culture that uses bidets, they are rather odd contraptions. And they don’t come with an instruction manual. So while I didn’t demonstrate to her how to use a bidet, I did explain the basics and hopefully, demystified using a bidet. I hope I can do that for you, too — and maybe you’ll appreciate those weird non-toilet thingies just a little bit more on your next trip to Italy.
Why do Italian bathrooms have bidets?
In Italy, a bidet is considered a component of basic hygiene, and as important in a bathroom as the shower, sink and toilet. In fact, since 1975, an Italian law mandates that every new home constructed must have a bidet in at least one of the bathrooms.
When we were designing the bathrooms for our Six Keys Guesthouse, I actually suggested we skip the bidets. After all, they take up a lot of space, and most of our tour guests wouldn’t use them anyway. And times six bathrooms, they were expensive!
Our architect threatened to quit if we didn’t include them in every bathroom.
Laws and sensitive architects aside, bidets reflect Italy’s broader cultural emphasis on cleanliness, dignity, and self-care. (See my post about how to dress in Italy for more on this.) For most Italians, as for our architect, bidets are a non-negotiable standard of civilized living, used for cleaning one’s intimate parts after toileting or sex, or during menstruation. And while they’re an essential part of hygiene, they’re also symbolic. I do not believe for one minute that the majority of Italians use a bidet after every bathroom break. But they could if they wanted to, and the bidet evidences that.
Bidets also take the place of daily showers, which are still not the social norm in Italy as they are in North America. So Italians often use the bidet between showers to freshen up, and limit their showers and hair washing to a few times a week. It’s not like we’re all running around stinky or dirty. But thriftiness is as engrained in the Italian psyche as bidets are. Our utility costs are generally high — and hot water costs money.
So, exactly what do you do with a bidet?
In your Italian hotel, rental home, or any place else you might stay, odds are there will be a bidet. So if you’re curious how to use a bidet as something other than a place to throw wet towels, here’s a PG-rated, step-by-step primer that applies to men and women:
Use the toilet. Do whatever it is you need to do, wipe and flush.
Straddle the bidet. Hop over to the bidet, and straddle it, facing forwards (toward the wall) or backwards, depending on which bits you want to wash. Forward is the more comfortable position for controlling the faucet.
- Turn on the water and wait until it reaches a comfortable temperature.
- Direct the nozzle to spray the right parts.
- Wash using your hands and just water, or also the sapone intimo, if provided. It’s a gentle cleanser made for delicate body parts.
- Rinse off thoroughly and dry yourself, either with toilet paper (which is probably a little flimsy for this job) or the small towel most hotels provide.
Voila! You’ve just successfully used a bidet.
Off-the-record uses for a bidet
Don’t tell anyone, but here are some other things you can do with a bidet:
- Wash your feet. While the bidet is designed for personal hygiene, it is also incredibly convenient for washing your feet — especially after a long day of walking on cobblestones. Sit on the closed toilet lid, and wash those grungy feet in the bidet.
- Handwash clothing. Running short on socks and underwear? Wash your dirty ones in the bidet. The bidet soap is gentle enough for handwashing, anyway.
- Take a bird bath. No time to shower? Use the bidet for a quick lather and wash of your pits and other bits. You’ll probably splash some water around the bathroom, but it’s still a speedy alternative to a full shower. (Note that I’ve seen this referred to as a PTA bath. The P stands for pits. The T rhymes with pits. I’ll let you take it from there.)
Since our architect won the battle, you’ll find a bidet in all our in-room bathrooms at Six Keys, as well as at just about any Italian hotel, accommodation or private home you may visit. You get to decide whether you want to use it, but at least now you can say you know how to use a bidet!
